Walter's Cook Book

[MassivelyDynamic]

I'm so loving you sig, avatar and location right now.

Why thank you. I try.

[SeaGtGruff]

So. . . a peanut butter bacon and hagelslag sandwich!? Sounds like a fantastic variation of a tried and true Walter Bishop original! Or do those asterisks mean something else!? The suspense is too much!

No, the asterisks were for something else. I just finished eating it, I didn't choke or gag (which is always a good sign), and I haven't had to be rushed to the emergency room-- yet, anyway. So I guess it's safe to share. Mind you, if it makes anyone sick, I absolve myself of all legal responsibility, on the grounds of "What, if everyone else were jumping off a cliff, you'd jump off, too?" But I thought it was surprisingly tasty!

Grilled Cheese, Peanut Butter & Jelly, Bacon, and Jalapeno Sandwich

Ingredients:
1. Butter - I used 2 tablespoons of Kroger Unsalted Butter.
2. Bread - I used 2 slices of Pepperidge Farm Brown Sugar Cinammon Swirl Bread.
3. Cheese - I used 4 single slices of Kroger Nice 'n Cheesy Slices (sort of like single slices of Velveeta).
4. Jalapeno Pepper - I used 1 medium-sized fresh jalapeno pepper, cut into slices.
5. Bacon - I used 10 slices of Kroger Meals Made Simple Fully Cooked Bacon.
6. Peanut Butter - I used Kroger Roasted Peanuts & Honey Crunchy Peanut Butter.
7. Jelly, Jam, Preserves, or the like - I used Kroger Peach Preserves.
(I guess you can tell that I shop at Kroger a lot.)

Directions:
1. Remove all of your clothing. Walter says you can wear a cooking apron and/or chef's hat, but I don't have either of those things.
2. Cook the bacon-- in a frying pan, microwave oven, broiler oven, or by whatever method you prefer. I heated mine up in a microwave, since it was pre-cooked (it's convenient, quick to prepare, and requires little clean-up). I admit I went overboard by using 10 slices-- but they're thin, I like bacon, and I hadn't eaten all day, so I was pretty hungry.
3. Melt 1 tablespoon of butter in a frying pan, over low heat.
4. Put 1 slice of bread in the butter.
5. Lay the cheese slices on top of the bread in the frying pan and heat until the cheese starts to melt. Be careful not to burn the bread (I wasn't careful enough).
6. Arrange the jalapeno slices on top of the cheese.
7. Break the cooked bacon slices in half and stack them on top of the jalapeno slices.
8. Slather the other slice of bread with peanut butter and lay it on top of the bacon, peanut butter side down (in case you didn't know).
9. Put the other 1 tablespoon of butter in the frying pan, smoosh the sandwich a little bit with a spatula to bond the ingredients, and carefully flip the sandwich over with the spatula.
10. After the second side has soaked up the melted butter and cooked a bit, remove the sandwich from the pan and put it on a sturdy plate.
11. Slather the top side of the sandwich with the jelly, jam, preserves, conserves, marmalade, or whatever you prefer. If you burned one side of the sandwich (as I did), you may want to put the jelly/jam/sticky sweet substance on that side. (You can scrape the burnt parts off first if you wish.)

Grab a knife and fork, dig in, and enjoy! The preferred beverage to accompany your sandwich is a strawberry milkshake, but I didn't have one. Drink 'em if you got 'em!

[PB]

No, the asterisks were for something else. I just finished eating it, I didn't choke or gag (which is always a good sign), and I haven't had to be rushed to the emergency room-- yet, anyway. So I guess it's safe to share. Mind you, if it makes anyone sick, I absolve myself of all legal responsibility, on the grounds of "What, if everyone else were jumping off a cliff, you'd jump off, too?" But I thought it was surprisingly tasty!

Grilled Cheese, Peanut Butter & Jelly, Bacon, and Jalapeno Sandwich

Ingredients:
1. Butter - I used 2 tablespoons of Kroger Unsalted Butter.
2. Bread - I used 2 slices of Pepperidge Farm Brown Sugar Cinammon Swirl Bread.
3. Cheese - I used 4 single slices of Kroger Nice 'n Cheesy Slices (sort of like single slices of Velveeta).
4. Jalapeno Pepper - I used 1 medium-sized fresh jalapeno pepper, cut into slices.
5. Bacon - I used 10 slices of Kroger Meals Made Simple Fully Cooked Bacon.
6. Peanut Butter - I used Kroger Roasted Peanuts & Honey Crunchy Peanut Butter.
7. Jelly, Jam, Preserves, or the like - I used Kroger Peach Preserves.
(I guess you can tell that I shop at Kroger a lot.)

Directions:
1. Remove all of your clothing. Walter says you can wear a cooking apron and/or chef's hat, but I don't have either of those things.
2. Cook the bacon-- in a frying pan, microwave oven, broiler oven, or by whatever method you prefer. I heated mine up in a microwave, since it was pre-cooked (it's convenient, quick to prepare, and requires little clean-up). I admit I went overboard by using 10 slices-- but they're thin, I like bacon, and I hadn't eaten all day, so I was pretty hungry.
3. Melt 1 tablespoon of butter in a frying pan, over low heat.
4. Put 1 slice of bread in the butter.
5. Lay the cheese slices on top of the bread in the frying pan and heat until the cheese starts to melt. Be careful not to burn the bread (I wasn't careful enough).
6. Arrange the jalapeno slices on top of the cheese.
7. Break the cooked bacon slices in half and stack them on top of the jalapeno slices.
8. Slather the other slice of bread with peanut butter and lay it on top of the bacon, peanut butter side down (in case you didn't know).
9. Put the other 1 tablespoon of butter in the frying pan, smoosh the sandwich a little bit with a spatula to bond the ingredients, and carefully flip the sandwich over with the spatula.
10. After the second side has soaked up the melted butter and cooked a bit, remove the sandwich from the pan and put it on a sturdy plate.
11. Slather the top side of the sandwich with the jelly, jam, preserves, conserves, marmalade, or whatever you prefer. If you burned one side of the sandwich (as I did), you may want to put the jelly/jam/sticky sweet substance on that side. (You can scrape the burnt parts off first if you wish.)

Grab a knife and fork, dig in, and enjoy! The preferred beverage to accompany your sandwich is a strawberry milkshake, but I didn't have one. Drink 'em if you got 'em!

This is the most amazingly insane contribution to Walter's Cookbook yet, every bit in the spirit of Walteresque gastronomy. You've pushed the peanut butter & bacon sandwich theme to the breaking point and beyond with this one! Given Walter's fascination with genetic hybridization he would no doubt be intrigued by a peanut butter bacon and jelly sandwich hybridized with a grilled cheese, the jalapeno rings push the whole ensemble over the top. I can't believe you used jelly, bacon, cheese and jalepenos on the same sandwich! You're a dangerously insane human being and a perfect candidate for Walter's test kitchen.

Walter and I salute your undaunted foray into heretofore untrodden frontiers of bizarre gastronomy!

[SeaGtGruff]

Mmm, I just made the perfect "Observer Spaghetti Sauce" ("September's Spaghetti Sauce"?). Warning-- the following recipe makes a huge amount, so feel free to halve the amounts, or else plan on freezing most of it for future enjoyment.

2 pounds of ground beef, fried up in a pan.
3 jars of spaghetti sauce.
3 jars of garlic-stuffed green olives.
3 bell peppers (1 red, 1 orange, 1 yellow), sliced into bite-sized chunks.
3 jalapeno peppers, cut into slices.
4 habanero peppers, cut into slices.
2 "sweet" onions, chopped into bite-sized chunks.

Put everything in a large covered pot and let it simmer on low heat for a few hours, stirring frequently, to let all the flavors blend together thoroughly.

Serve it over your favorite pasta (I like to use whole wheat spaghetti), but be careful-- it's blisteringly hot!

[PB]

Mmm, I just made the perfect "Observer Spaghetti Sauce" ("September's Spaghetti Sauce"?). Warning-- the following recipe makes a huge amount, so feel free to halve the amounts, or else plan on freezing most of it for future enjoyment.

2 pounds of ground beef, fried up in a pan.
3 jars of spaghetti sauce.
3 jars of garlic-stuffed green olives.
3 bell peppers (1 red, 1 orange, 1 yellow), sliced into bite-sized chunks.
3 jalapeno peppers, cut into slices.
4 habanero peppers, cut into slices.
2 "sweet" onions, chopped into bite-sized chunks.

Put everything in a large covered pot and let it simmer on low heat for a few hours, stirring frequently, to let all the flavors blend together thoroughly.

Serve it over your favorite pasta (I like to use whole wheat spaghetti), but be careful-- it's blisteringly hot!

A detailed glimpse into the gustatory cravings of the Observers!? Walter is definitely going to be interested in this, what intimate details about Observer cravings, physiology, psychology and culture might be gleaned from this sauce? Walter may want to keep this one in his private stash!

I love Observer cuisine myself. That scene in the diner in "The Arrival" when September wolfs down that rare roast beef sandwich with raw jalapeno rings always makes my mouth water. I'm big on spicy food, so Observer Spaghetti seems like it would be right up my alley.

Speaking of bizarre spaghetti. A few months back I was invited for dinner at a vegetarian friend's place and was served spaghetti smothered in of all things. . . pumpkin spaghetti sauce . When I was told what we would be eating I was like . . . . And after eating it I was more like . . .. It was ridiculously good. I usually associate pumpkin with sweet tastes: pumpkin muffins, pumpkin pie . . . maybe baked sugar pumpkin eaten like squash. But this on the other hand was a very savory meal. I thought my friends girlfriend would be tight lipped about the recipe but she said there was nothing to it and shared the details.

Basically all you do is open a can of regular old pureed pumpkin like you would use in pumpkin pie. Heat it up in a sauce pan with a cup of cream or half-and-half or milk (she said it doesn't matter, as you prefer). Then, simply simmer it with whatever spices you would like to add, oregano and other typical spaghetti spices were recommended (maybe an italian herb blend with stuff other than oregano like basil and thyme). Salt and pepper to taste. Simmer for as long as is necessary to heat up and for the flavors to meld sufficiently and serve over spaghetti. It's really amazing. I have yet to test this recipe on my own yet, so as soon as I've sucessfully recreated that amazing flavor on my own I'll update this post with any other necessary details if necessary. Otherwise I'll give the steps I've outlined above for preparing this bizarre spaghetti masterpiece the green light.

Thanks again SeaGtGruff for the "Observer Spaghetti Sauce" recipe. Walter will undoubtedly be keenly interested in this one.

[Omniscient_Jay]

You know, this might just be my paranoia talking, but I can't help but feel as though this thread were being closely observed.

......

[anobserver]

To add to the growing list of things-to-put-with-peanut-butter-in-a-sandwich, (it might end up getting it's own chapter), my grandmother likes having peanut-butter and marshmallow fluff sandwiches.

For my own culinary oddity, I admit I have occasionally been known to eat wheat thins and chocolate pudding (using the wheat thin to scoop up the pudding).

[PB]

You know, this might just be my paranoia talking, but I can't help but feel as though this thread were being closely observed.

......

The Observers hardly seem like the types who take lightly misappropriation of their insider knowledge. Now that one of their spaghetti recipes has been appropriated and re-created by non-Observer kind it's hard to know what the reaction will be. . .

Is such an irregularity permissible variation in the chronology of events, or does such an event warrant . . . correction?

September: "December, it's happening now, he's eating the spaghetti . . . "

December: "The recipe. . . has been . . . ?"

September: "Yes, it's been prepared, and served."

December: "Gather the others. . . corrections must be made . . . "

For my own culinary oddity, I admit I have occasionally been known to eat wheat thins and chocolate pudding (using the wheat thin to scoop up the pudding).

THAT, sounds like a Walterism .

[Omniscient_Jay]

The Observers hardly seem like the types who take lightly misappropriation of their insider knowledge. Now that one of their spaghetti recipes has been appropriated and re-created by non-Observer kind it's hard to know what the reaction will be. . .

Is such an irregularity permissible variation in the chronology of events, or does such an event warrant . . . correction?

September: "December, it's happening now, he's eating the spaghetti . . . "

December: "The recipe. . . has been . . . ?"

September: "Yes, it's been prepared, and served."

December: "Gather the others. . . corrections must be made . . . "

MEANWHILE, AT THE LEGION OF DOOM

*Jones, Newton, Walternate, Markham, Henry Higgins, Weiss, Nina, and John Scott cackle in evil unison around a fancy dinner table as the Observer Recipe Book lies on a nearby pedestal, and they toast to the fruition of their plans*

/random

[PB]

MEANWHILE, AT THE LEGION OF DOOM

*Jones, Newton, Walternate, Markham, Henry Higgins, Weiss, Nina, and John Scott cackle in evil unison around a fancy dinner table as the Observer Recipe Book lies on a nearby pedestal, and they toast to the fruition of their plans*

/random

The plot thickens